The pot for when the day is too much: a clear chicken and ginger broth from my South African Chinese kitchen.

If you know someone who always has to have the last word, you are watching a performance of control, not confidence. Needing to close every conversation, correct every detail and win every exchange says less about how right they are and more about how unsafe it feels for them to leave anything unresolved. What it looks like when someone must have the last word You know the pattern. You say something simple and they correct your wording. You share an experience and they explai

Emotionally mature people are not the ones with the loudest opinions or the quickest advice. They are the ones who can stay quiet long enough to really hear you. Letting others speak first shows how comfortable you are with yourself, how much you value the person in front of you, and how willing you are to sit with what is true rather than rush to control it. When someone else’s story keeps disappearing There is a kind of conversation where you can feel yourself slowly vanish

There is a strange thing that happens when we talk about “community” now. We say the word, but what we often mean is “people who make me feel good about myself”. We want community that understands us, reflects us, validates us, supports us, reads our long messages, likes our posts, shows up when we are low, disappears when we are tired, and never asks too much in return. In other words, we want community that behaves like a very patient therapist with better snacks. But real

There is a strange way people talk about “the diaspora”, as if it is a glitch in the system. As if the natural state of a people is to stay exactly where they started, speaking the same language, eating the same food, living next to the same river, forever. If that were true, I would not exist. I am South African‑born Chinese, third generation. My face looks like it belongs somewhere else. My accent belongs here. My family history belongs to both and to neither. I am the resu

When culture and tradition fall away, we like to imagine we become freer, lighter, more “ourselves”. But what actually happens in the quiet is more complicated. This essay looks at what is lost, what is quietly smuggled into the future, and what we become when we no longer have a script to follow. There is a certain pride now in saying, “I am not really into tradition.” It sounds modern, independent, self‑made. We imagine ourselves as clean slates, choosing everything from sc

There is a moment in every adult life when you look at your family and think, “So this is not normal.” Maybe it happens at a holiday meal when someone brings up politics, religion or that one cousin who “went weird”. Suddenly everyone is talking louder, cutting the roast more aggressively and pretending not to notice the emotional grenade rolling under the table. Or maybe it is quieter: you are washing dishes, watching your parents move around each other like planets in a sli

Parkmore, Sandton Youth “Purple Max” Awarded 2018 Bronze Standard for Duke of Edinburgh’s International Award / The President’s Award for Youth Empowerment (South Africa) “The Award equips young people for life and work. Not all learning happens in the classroom. Young people need experiences outside the classroom to become committed, responsible and fulfilled citizens of the world.” – DofE Award Website There are many people I know that I am extremely proud to keep company w

This is my room. This is your room. It is not our room. We have all been here before. This is my chapel. It is your treehouse, your orangery, your workshop. This is where we want to go; a place that calls us closer; a space that says we are home. This is where we know everyone, where people are few – where our demons and angels surround us, where we exist not by choice. The walls are the colours in our mind. The floor carries us around the space. There are no windows because

I have a friend who has been yearning to return to the coast and has decided to relocate from Johannesburg at the end of October (2018). She would most probably prefer me to be the type of friend who shows some level of remorse at her departure but I simply cannot contain my excitement at the prospect of a good old garage sale! Admittedly, I go gaga for these type of sales. There is something that screams ‘success!’ at finding a good piece of vintage furniture, or simply a “b

I once read that volunteering allows you to age with grace. For me, the actress and humanitarian Audrey Hepburn is a prime example of that statement. If volunteering provides me with a fraction of her grace then I will consider myself truly blessed. Ms Hepburn said, “Giving is living. If you stop wanting to give, there’s nothing more to live for.” I recently wrote an essay about my volunteering journey for the #MyGivingStory as part of the #GivingTuesday global initiative. I

This is for all those who just need to know someone is listening and is on their side right now. XXX Monday finds you like a bomb It’s been left ticking there too long You’re bleeding When you try your best but you don’t succeed Some days there’s nothing left to learn From the point of no return You’re leaving When you get what you want but not what you need Hey hey I saved the world today Everybody’s happy now The bad things gone away And everybody’s happy now The good thing

When I dine out I have grown accustomed to giving a tip to my waitron in cash, directly. This action assures me that my money is going to the intended person. I also have a high suspicion about those Tip Boxes placed next to the cash registers unless the establishment has taken the time to compartmentalise according to each of their staff. I know I am not the only one (by a long shot) who has a distrust of this service courtesy. In fact, the matter of what to tip and who gets

In an attempt to break my Netflix series binge addiction I have been trying to find solace in the comfort of a good read. I was at the mall a week ago and there was only one book that could possibly get me to smell the biblichor in a heartbeat. That book is Arundathi Roy’s new gem “The Ministry of Utmost Happiness“. Given that her first novel “The God of Small Things” came out 20 years ago when I was still a fledgling dreaming of a life that was yet unknown; I can confidently

Read this before continuing! This article is me, exploring the concept of the end of the world, in general. It is not a criticism of whatever your beliefs are. I am a Roman Catholic. I am a Christian. This is not personal, please don’t try to make it so. Generally, I can be quite patient. I’ve learnt to be more patient as I’ve grown older. I would not be as patient if I followed the predictions of people in the 1st Century who said that the Second Coming would be happening ‘a

Person 1: “Do you smoke?” Person 2: “Yes” Person 1: “Do you know that if you stopped smoking you could buy a Ferrari with the money saved?” Person 2: “Do you smoke?” Person 1: “No” Person 2: “Do you own a Ferrari?” I can’t understand why a pack of razor blades costs nearly R200 (ZAR) in some instances. How are they made? And regardless, aren’t they mass-produced? I’ve heard that it is really difficult to make razor blades – there’s a lot of precision work required. Apparently

I recently blogged about the way that entrepreneurship seems addictively fashionable in What Is All The Hype About Entrepreneurs? As it turns out, I have seemingly more friends who are independent entrepreneurs than Suits. They have such a diverse range of services and products between them that I am wondering why I ever actually need to shop online or even step foot into a physical store again. Meet Sam Mhlungu. I’ve known Sam for nearly a decade now. As with most of my soci

Is entrepreneurship fashionable? I cannot help but notice all the magazine articles, blog posts and highlighting of entrepreneurship, and wonder if this is a symptom of age, or the next work evolution, or something else far more philosophical in response to the human psyche. Jason Saltzman, CEO of Alley, said; “In this day and age, being an entrepreneur is truly glamorized. Stories of huge wins resonate through the different startup communities like wild fire. Successful entr

On Saturday 6 August 2017, Patric Tariq Mellet was interviewed on the Overnight Live Show by Linzi Bourhill on Cape Talk Radio. If you are a regular follower you will know that my Chinese South African heritage is always topical and extremely important to me. I recently wrote about the local community efforts to eliminate hate speech that has become rife on social media. Here is the link to that article again in case you would like to read it later : South African Chinese tak

We issue this statement following the publication of various xenophobic comments by our fellow South Africans on the Facebook page of the Karoo Donkey Sanctuary, the Facebook page of the television programme, Carte Blanche, and our own TCA Facebook group. – TCA Times Media, 8 February 2017 The comments were posted following the annual Chinese New Year celebration held in Johannesburg on 28 January 2017 and the broadcast of a television programme by Carte Blanche on animal abu